The big day has finally arrived.

August 22, 2018

40! (sigh) Much of what they say is true as you turn this corner. I am wiser. I am more comfortable in my own skin. I compare less. I listen more. I say yes less. My perspective broader; my focused narrowed.  I seek stillness and refinement. I am able to recognize the ugly and press in until I find beauty. Mindfulness comes more naturally and more often. And so much more.

Old friends met me in the driveway before work with flowers.  My office was full of treats and signs and more flowers. Texts and calls interrupted my day and my beautiful mom took me out for a long lunch.  I had a great day but the night didn't go according to plan. 

My boys were being wild. The night was ticking away.  The plan to go out to a nice dinner was not coming together.  So, I ditched my uncooperative dates and went out to dinner by myself.  My mom agreed to take the boys while I made the 30 minute drive to one of my favorite restaurants so I could pick up take out and eat every scrumptious morsel after the boys were in bed and the house was quiet. (How many of you busy parents look forward to that?)

I sat at the bar to order. The man next to me was paying his bill.  A few minutes later he grabbed his keys and stood up to leave. He turned back quickly and asked what was on my bracelet.  "Clovers...it was a gift from my boys for my last birthday. I have a clover thing." I turned over my phone to reveal a real clover on the pop socket.  "I find them. I just started a prayer project where I look for them while I am praying for someone then I press it and send it off  with a note of encouragement."  He sits back down.

We talked for an hour!  He shared with me that his daughter was in another state in rehab and he felt like he failed her. He asked if I could pray for her.  He admitted that he is lonely and doesn't often trust that people like him for who he is.  He is a successful doctor and business owner who spends a lot of time bailing his young staff out of their messes.  Like all of  us who parent, he struggles with the balance between helping and enabling but for him it was also tied up in wanting to be liked. 

He referenced my bracelet again and asked when my birthday was.  "Today...actually."  He was appalled that I was alone and insisted on buying my meal which by now was getting cold in the take-home bag on the bar.  I explained that I had a very full day with people that I loved and didn't mind ending the evening with some time to myself.  We talked for a bit more and I wanted to know what made him happy.  He couldn't answer.  At the risk of sounding like a crazy person to a stranger, I told him that he was enough.  He is loved by God.  He has to let go of what people think and go after the things that bring him joy. 

He trusted me. He felt seen. 

We parted. 

I prayed. I hunted.  I mailed his daughter a four-leaf clover. 

So, hear's to 40. The lead in was harder than the day. Much of my life isn't where I want it to be which makes this milestone harder but I welcome my 40s. I have earned every one of these years, particularly the last couple that have been filled with deep mourning, oppression, and process. But...I've got this! Here's to the next 40 on the way down the hill.  Let the celebrating continue!

Peace, Nicole Astra
CloveredInPrayer@gmail.com